So... it has been a LONG time since my last blog post. Many things have been taking my time along with hours of avoiding the computer. The last two years have consisted of endless hours researching journal articles, writing papers, and responding to discussion posts on the classroom forum. Life as a Master's student in an online program has been... frustrating. So much has happened in the past two years and the ending is turning out to be very anti-climactic. Now that I have finished student teaching and am about to graduate I am finding myself now thinking about the long road ahead of paying off several years of loans and facing current financial hardship that has come as a result of only working 12 hours a week because of always being in the classroom.
Today was supposed to be the wonderful end I have been waiting for, completing my final PRAXIS test. Once the test was completed I was supposed to feel free and glad. However, reality was far from the truth. I finished the test a minute before the timer ran out. During the test I had marked several questions to review but there was only time to quickly fill in an answer for the questions I had no idea how to respond to. By the end I was frantically typing the sort essay questions in so that I had complete answers but I do not know if my answers were really quality answers.
I love teaching and feel that I use best practices. In the classroom it doesn't matter what the technique you are using is called, you just use it. I am trying to prevent myself from ranting about the test because I am faced with a huge question, "How do I find peace in the Lord through a time such as this?" A time where I find myself in waiting, knowing that the Lord is in control of all things. Having faith that He even do little things like allow me to pass a test. I have 20 days of waiting ahead of me. Instead of thinking of this as a time a misery and anguish, I can find peace in things I have no control over. Now that I am done with the test, I have no control over the score that is assigned to my test. I have no control over how several evaluators score my essays. All I can do is give praise to God for every moment in my day.
I am sure I will be thinking about it but will I find myself waiting patiently or will I find myself watching the clock. Please pray with me that I will be able to have my eyes fixed on God. I pray that for you. No matter the situation, God is in control. I pray that you are able to let go of worry and anxiety in order to except the peace found in the Lord.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7
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